In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
