You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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