you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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