We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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