SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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