why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
