Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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