we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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