Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
