from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
