no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
