Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
