So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
