So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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