I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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