All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I am available for nakedness
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
