I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
