Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
