Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
