I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
