Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
