No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
