why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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