the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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