My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
