I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize