This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
