dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
sex in a hospital.. check
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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