i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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