so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
