allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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