At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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