May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize