ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
