I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
