in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
