Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize