We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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