watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
