I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
It's shark week go big or go home
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
