I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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