I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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