im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
