UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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