All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
