Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize