I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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