You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
