my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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