if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
