I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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