She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Sorry my hands just texted you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
i think my cat just said my name.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
