apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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