I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
