And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
