I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
