You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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