Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
