I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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