Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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