I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize