I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
