we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
