Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
