Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
