What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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