i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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