I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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