worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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