so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
