I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
