porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
