oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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