I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
