i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
