Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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