Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i believe in u and ur pee
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
