worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
