it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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