Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My balls are so social today.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
