i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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