And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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