So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
