dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize