No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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