Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
