I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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