I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
