True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
